What is our goal as Christian moms? Because the wrong goal sets us off on the wrong course. What if my goal is to have a happy, peaceful home? This sounds reasonable. Anger is blocked goals, right? Who in your family is able to block that picturesque goal of peace? Every one of your children on an hourly basis.
Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Paul knows that some circumstances are way out of our control! In fact, this is how most of us try to soothe our anxieties, by controlling everything and everyone in our power! We need constant reminders that the fruit of the Spirit is self-control, not kids-control, spouse-control, or any kind of others-control.
What is a goal that can’t be blocked by those we love? Being the woman God wants us to be! One of Job’s friends, in Job 11:18 says, “You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take rest in your safety.” What do you see when you look about you? Safety? Are you feeling that hope? And if we are not feeling secure ourselves, how will we demonstrate that to our kids?
Being the woman that God wants us to be, a secure one, requires an understanding of what this peace is. First, there is eternal peace. This is peace WITH God. We have this when we become saved.
With our kids, this is an on-going conversation. It is the Holy Spirit that draws our kids to Christ. Our job is to have a natural conversation with our kids about the goodness of our God. Things like, “What are you guys thankful to God for today?”
Often we know our eternity is secure, but we are still suffering from a lack of security. What we need is the second type, peace OF God – internal peace. This is the peace that passes all understanding. This is where we are instructed to be “Anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and petition, make our requests known to God. And the peace of God, is beyond all understanding, will guard you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Are there times that you look back on and say, “How did I get through this in one piece?” That is peace that passes understanding.
Are your kids are missing this internal peace? Anxiety has been a big struggle for one of my children. She told me recently, “Depression is shame and guilt over yesterday. Anxiety is worry over tomorrow. We can only live today.” We have come a long way!
Is there guilt about unconfessed sin? Every time my kids ask forgiveness, I recite 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Memorize it as a family!
The third kind of peace is external peace – that is peace on earth. This is what we want, but can’t always have. We appreciate it in those moments when we experience it, but it is fleeting. If we try to control it, we become controllers. Ask yourself, is this in my control? If the answer is no, we are not to carry this anxiety. We are to cast our cares on Him, because He cares for us.
Our kids experience these kinds of fears: the dark, of dying, of what others will think. We choose ungodly ways of defending ourselves. Fantasy can be one way. Of course, children should be immersed in imaginative play. But when they are addicted to games or entertainment, they may be trying to escape their fears. They may withdraw in an effort to avoid being rejected. Children often displace their anger, taking it out on siblings when they are frightened. They may blame others, to shift focus off themselves, or may rationalize lousy choices.
Ask questions to help them get to the bottom of the behavior. Set and enforce boundaries – both on the behavior and whatever is causing the underlying fear.
Do I have security down pat? No, my stomach lurches over many things I cannot control. But without a doubt, my Lord has carried me through so many tough times. I have a father in heaven who loves me, who will never leave me and never forsake me.
What are my goals as a mom? Who blocks those goals? How do I react? Who am I trying to control? What situation am I trying to control? What are my kid’s struggling with? Are there creative questions can I craft to ask them?
Raising Kingdom Kids: Giving your Child a Living Faith by Dr. Tony Evans
Freedom from Fear by Dr. Neil Anderson
Surrender Your Junior God Badge: Every Woman’s Battle with Control by Jackie Kendall
Use the books your kids read for school to discuss these issues of security and control. Literature is full of perfect examples for discussion. Ask what characters are trying to manipulate or control their situations? What is the motivation (fear, anger, revenge, pride)? What is the outcome (who gets hurt because of their attempts to control)?
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
I Was So Mad by Mercer Mayer
Hamlet, Othello, Romeo & Juliet, Moby Dick, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Iliad, Antigone, The Red Badge of Courage
From MOMs magazine October 2023
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